are you asking the right questions?

Yesterday I read an article about a woman who was upset because her boyfriend hadn't yet bought her an engagement ring after 8 months of living together and what I guess is about 5 or 6 months of engagement because he works too much. The columnist told her that either she was feeling the loves man or not and a bauble wouldn't change things. Although I agree with the columnist that really it comes down to what she thinks this man feels, I thought the columnist left out a lot of questions that the woman should ask herself before continuing on in her path.

1. does she feel left out because he works too much?
2. did he promise to buy her a ring by a certain date?
3. had he made empty promises to buy the ring and hadn't yet?
4. had she asked him why he was waiting? was he just waiting for the perfect time that was never going to come because he was much too career oriented or was it now a game or power play between them?
5. had he proposed merely to keep her around?

These were the questions she should have been reminded to ask herself and search her soul for her answers.

The sad thing about living together is that things don't change once you get married. What ever you agree to when you move in, is generally how things go once you get married, that or the other person suddenly pushes you for change once you tie the knot. Either situation is profoundly difficult. When you move in with someone it's frequently with lowered expectations or the understanding that everything is 'temporary' until you get married. The problem is that habits are hard to undo.

Once you agree to date and move in with a work-aholic, good luck getting that person to change once you tie the knot. You've already agreed that it's OK to date the person, continue to date the person, move in and you've agreed to get married, so you must be OK with how things are. This is the important situation that the engaged woman should have been reminded of.

She should have been asked if she was happy with the way things were, and if not was she willing to get married if things remained the same.

I thought the reply by the columnist just wasn't very helpful for the circumstances and I always wonder why people don't ask themselves better questions when they are planning marriage.